Imagine…What is it Like to be the Parent of a Child with Selective Mutism

By: Joleen Fernald, MS CCC-SLP, Doctoral Student, PediaStaff Clinical Coordinator

All children will experience social difficulties from time to time. This is not only a normal, expected part of growing up, but also an important learning experience for children. As they muddle through social problems with their peers, children will learn to negotiate, compromise and become increasingly more self-aware. Finding the solutions to these social dilemmas, however, can come easily to some children and not so easily to others. Socially “savvy” children tend to be good problem solvers; they seem to have an innate sense of what to do, when to do it, and how to apply it in social situations. These children tend to be more popular with peers as a result of this savvy as they appear more capable. Appearing more capable to their peers can translate to social confidence and a positive sense of self.

Imagine pushing your two-year-old through the grocery store when you happen upon a friend. Your friend bends down and looks at your child, “Hello, what’s your name?” Your child puts his head down and avoids eye contact. “How cute!” Your friend says, “He’s so shy.”

Imagine having to participate with your child in their dance class every week, because she wouldn’t move from her “X” until you physically moved her.

Imagine dropping your child off at preschool every morning and having her scream and hold on to you…every day…for the entire school year.

Imagine helping out in your child’s classroom and having her whisper something to you across the table… another child says, “I didn’t know she could talk.”

For parents of 7 out of every 1000 children, this is more than imagination; this is reality. It is a small glimpse of what some families experience when they have a child with selective mutism.

Selective Mutism is a complex childhood anxiety communication disorder characterized by a child’s inability to speak in select social settings, such as school. These children are able to talk normally in settings where they are comfortable, secure and relaxed. Children and adolescents with Selective Mutism have an actual or perceived FEAR of speaking in social interactions where there is an expectation to talk. They often stand motionless with fear as they are confronted with specific social settings. These children are so anxious they literally freeze, are expressionless, unemotional and often, socially isolated.

When anxious, children with SM may have blank facial expressions, have difficulty with eye contact, and have awkward and stiff body language. These children are not able to initiate play. They often stand on the edge of the classroom, observing everything going on around them, but unable to join in. They follow the rules and try desperately to not be noticed. These characteristics are different than the behavioral manifestations often observed at home. When comfortable, children with SM may be moody and assertive. They may be inflexible and controlling. Frequently, they are extremely talkative and precocious. Most children with SM are intelligent and sensitive to the feelings of and thoughts of others.

The majority of children have a genetic predisposition to anxiety. In other words, they have inherited anxiety from various family members. Very often, these children show signs of severe anxiety, such as separation anxiety, frequent tantrums and crying, moodiness, inflexibility, sleep problems, parental separation issues, and extreme shyness from infancy on. Because most of these children have a persistent fear of performance or social interaction, they manifest symptoms such as freezing, lack of smiling, expressionless face, and mutism as a direct response to fear and anxiety… There is NO evidence that the cause of Selective Mutism is related to abuse, neglect or trauma.

The main goal with treatment is to lower anxiety, increase self-esteem and increase confidence in social settings. Emphasis should never be on ‘getting a child to talk.’ ALL expectations for verbalization should be removed. With lowered anxiety levels and confidence, verbalization will eventually follow. A professional should devise an ‘individualized treatment plan’ for each child. Research indicates that the earlier a child is treated for Selective Mutism, the quicker the response to treatment, and the better the overall prognosis. If a child remains mute for many years, his/her behavior can become a conditioned response where the child literally gets used to non-verbalizing. In other words, Selective Mutism can become a difficult habit to break! However, with proper diagnosis and treatment, the prognosis for overcoming Selective Mutism is excellent!

Joleen Fernald, MS, CCC-SLP, is currently a PhD student studying infant mental health and developmental disabilities. She follows Greenspan and Wieder’s model, DIR/Floortime, when working with children and families. She has a special interest in the social emotional development of young children and its impact on their speech and language skills. As a speech-language pathologist, Joleen works with children who have a variety of communication disorders. She partnered with Easter Seals NH in 2008 to begin an assessment and treatment clinic specifically for children with selective mutism. She enjoys public speaking and has presented nationally on the topics of childhood apraxia of speech and selective mutism. In addition, she also works for PediaStaff as their SLP Clinical Coordinator.